Sexual Assault

As I was surfing the net, I came across this blog posting on Dreams & Reality.

It is about sexual predators, those "sick in the head" people who prey after women whether young or old. They may not go to the extend of rape but they thrive on sexual harassment or sexual assault, sometimes a slight grey area that is not so easily caught.

Some of their acts - Flasher (flashing of their genitals), they sit near you on the bus/train, they pressed themselves against you in crowded places, fondling - they accidentally touch your legs, breast, buttocks, verbal assault, incest and also sexual harassment at work. Worst is that these people likely will prey on kids, young teenagers who are not aware of what's wrong or what's right.

I do have a personal experience to share. I was very young, probably just 10 years old and I was taking public transportation to school in my hometown. Those times, it is very common to be taking public transportation to school at a young age, unlike now. I still remember I was sitting beside this big burly Indian man. I fell asleep. When I woke up, I saw that he has taken his dick out from his pants and was massaging it. It was a long time ago and I was very young but I was so ignorant that all I thought of was "poor guy - he must be sick (ill), his pee pee is injured and he is examining it." . I just remember that. I got off the bus after and it never made an impression on me after and I did not tell anyone. I just did not know better.

Now that I recall back, obviously that was a sick man, and this time I mean "psycho sick", "asshole" sick, "should be put in jail" kinda of sick. I really wonder why these men exists, what is going through their psychotic brains. Whatever it is, I feel we just need to protect ourselves, protect our children.

Some tips of what to do :-

1) Trust your Instincts

Firstly, we must know what is right and what is wrong. Sometimes sexual harassment feels a bit in the grey area (especially when it is a friend) but we must follow our instincts. If we don't feel comfortable, we must voice out. We must stop it and do not allow it to continue. Eg. A friend was on a plane and the guy beside her (smartly dressed, articulate and seemed like a perfect gentleman), he started a conversation with her. As the conversation progressed, he started to sit closer and closer to her. She started to feel uncomfortable, decided not to talk anymore and she began reading a magazine. This guy did not stop, continue to lean closer and closer to her brushing on her arms. At first, she was too shy to do anything but she really felt uncomfortable and she voiced out, told him to stop, if not she would inform the stewardess. He stopped but yet still had the nerve to ask for her number!

2) Be aware & Educate yourself

We need to be alert always and ensure we do not put ourselves in a vulnerable position. Educate ourselves with the knowledge on where these people usually attack. For eg. when jogging in the park, in crowded places especially in trains and buses, person who sits beside you in public places, beware of your drinks when you go clubbing, staying late night in the office, going to a quiet car park alone etc - these are all potential areas where the sexual predator may strike.

3) Educate our children

I believe that sex education is important to today's children. Television and the Internet are such major influencers in their life from young. As parents, we must teach them what is wrong and what is right and how to protect themselves.

4) Stand up and Voice Out

Do not be a silent victim. Do not feel shy or embarrassed. I think sometimes, we feel too embarrassed to voice out especially when you are in a public place. You pretend that it is ok and hope that it will go away, you tell yourself maybe you are imagining it etc. No, we cannot keep silence. If we feel violated, we must voice out.

Oral Sex is Illegal???!!

This funny incident came up during my little reunion with a bunch of old friends. We have known each other for 10 years after joining a self development course therefore all of us are of different background and age group. It is a wonderfully diversified group yet we are close and able to share many stories whenever we meet up once or twice a year.

Inadvertently, the topic will always stir to sex. Usually with hilarious recommendations on what to eat to enhance “u know what”, what positions, or just tips on husband/wife relationship.

This time, the conversation started with the topic of Singaporeans. Brendy, my very well endowed friend - (trust me when I saw "very well endowed!" ), she was just commenting on how rigid Singaporeans are, how they are all so busy with work, less time to have babies, to have sex…..and then she said “ Yeah, they are so rigid, even oral sex is considered illegal in Singapore, that is simply ridiculous!”

We all turned to her….and then said, “Ah yeah. It is considered unnatural sex but you know that oral sex is also illegal in Malaysia right?”

You should have seen her expression. She was flabbergasted. She obviously does not know that oral sex is illegal in Malaysia and many countries around the world too.

Malaysia Law - Under Section 377A and 377B of the Penal Code, any person who has sexual relations with another involving the introduction of the penis into the anus or mouth, can be jailed up to 20 years and is also liable for whipping.

Please read link here for sodomy law.

Recently in Singapore oral and anal sex between consenting heterosexual adults is no longer an offense but oral and anal sex between consenting men, remains an offense. Singapore have moved one step ahead.

So, did you know that oral sex is indeed illegal in Malaysia?

Guy's Sex Confessions - What they don't want you to do in bed?

I was reading Cosmopolitan and I thought the article on what guys don’t want women to do in bed is pretty interesting. These are few that I picked out and check out if you commit any of it.

1) Noise-making is great but don’t freak him out. Guys really dig into girls who respond in bed. It encourages him and a sign that he is doing the right things. But too much moaning will freak him out. He would think that you are too self absorbed and is not there for him eg. Even though he has not done anything, you are already moaning.

2) Being too self conscious of your body. I guess every woman is self conscious when naked. We are afraid that they will see our imperfections or touch our fleshy areas. But guys hate it when the girls are trying to cover up their bodies. They want a woman who is confident and ready to flaunt her body. If you are self conscious, dim the lights.

3) Too much unwanted hair. Ladies – remember to shave yeah….overgrown and untrimmed hair is not a turn-on. It's a total turn off.

4) Rushing off to the toilet immediately after sex. Ha ha…I thot this is what men do but apparently men don’t like it if their girl rush off to the toilet immediately after sex.

5) Be gentle as necessary. Men are very protective of their packs. While they like to see the girl taking charge, however do make sure you are not pressing or holding too hard. It is painful and all their mood will be gone.

Guys - Any confessions of your own? Do share. What about the gals? Share, Share.

What late PARTYING does to your looks?

We all probably had our share of partying days. For many, it is still a Friday night ritual and sometimes a few days a week. I believe partying is a phase that everyone should go through. As for me…been there, done that, I feel a little old for partying nowadays but I would still obliged once in a while. With the right company, it can be great fun.

However, I would like to warn all you party animals out there, what partying can do to your looks? I know when we are having fun, all other things does not matter. Hangovers, eye bags, headaches, don’t remember what you did last nite etc etc are common effects of a great partying night.

But what does it really do to your looks? It is a gradual effect but trust me….it ain’t pretty.

1) Your skin dries up.
I am sure you all know that you often feel very thirsty after a heavy drinking session. Alcohol has a dehydrating effect on your entire system. This will affect your entire body and the consequence is premature wrinkles. If you look at yourself in the mirror the next morning, you do look like you have aged 5 years right? 

2) Your face becomes blotchy
Blotchiness of you face can be a permanent feature after much drinking. As your body absorbs booze, blood vessels becomes dilated causing redness and flushing where skin is thinnest such as your skin and eyes. Not a pretty sight

3) You will have DULL hair, nails and teeth
Drinking interferes with the absorption of vitamins and nutrients into your bodies. And no matter how much vitamin A, D, calcium and zinc , your hair nails and teeth will be dull as the minerals can penetrate into our bodies

4) You pack on the pounds
Who says booze is water and thus less calories. One can of beer is at least 150 calories, and a margarita is about 400 or more. Furthermore, booze will boost your appetite…so not surprising the mamak (night food) business is 24 hours, catering for the hungry partygoers.

Did I paint a bleak picture? Don't worry, enjoy life when we are young. Just don't overdo it. Your body needs a rest too.

What is Love?

What is love?

This question suddenly came to my mind. I decided to search the net for some definitions. Many wrote that, it is one of the most difficult questions for mankind. Centuries have passed by, relationships have bloomed and so has love. But no one can give the proper definition of love.

Oxford definition :-

1. an intense feeling of deep affection.

2. a deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone.

3. a great interest and pleasure in something.

4. a person or thing that one loves.

5. (in tennis, squash, etc.) a score of zero. apparently from the phrase play for love (i.e. the love of the game, not for money).

I felt the oxford definitions are so dry and unromantic. These are others that I found.

A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.

A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance.

An intense emotional attachment, as for a pet or treasured object.

A person who is the object of deep or intense affection or attraction; beloved. Often used as a term of endearment.

The true meaning of love is found in the word "unconditional". Loving someone through their flaws and all. Accepting and embracing each others differences and compromising with their offerings.

Love is a unexplainable happiness.

I think it is very difficult to explain love. Love is a feeling, an emotion and that may be different for everyone.

To put it simply, you will know the meaning of love when you fall in love.

And when you do, don't ever forget it.

I will leave you with a beautiful L.O.V.E rendition by Nat King Cole.

What does my Mother in law hate me? Part 2

My previous posting (click link here) uncovered some reasons on why mother in law behaves in a certain way. However even with understanding and emphathy, it can never take away the frustrations and heart aches when dealing with an unreasonable mother in law.

These are my 5 tips on how to handle the situation, it will probably not solve the problem but hopefully it will help.

1) Patience is a virtue – This is utmost importance and if you have patience, half your problems will be solved. See no evil, hear no evil, say no evil.

2) Distance is sometimes better - If you have the opportunity at the begining to not stay with in-laws, please do so. It is the best way to start a marriage.

3) Make sure your hubby in on your side - This is a tricky one because one is his mom and the other is his wife. However for your sanity, he must be on your side. But you must play your cards well too. Never make him choose between his mother or you. Remember don’t bad mouth your mother in-law. Inform your husband of every single situation and make him understand and ensure he will stand by you. Don't nag or act hysterical.

4) Be a level above - Don’t fight back ( it will only give her reasons to torture you further) but also don’t be run over. Be confident and stated what is right in a "nice" way. You must always be one level above your mother in law. Don’t stoop to her level and play the same game. Play a higher level game like you are not affected. Don’t shout back, don’t break down in front of her.

5) Be the agent of change for the future – Knowing what you know, please do not do it to your son’s wife in future. Break the curse.

Why does my mother-in law hate me?

Any of you ladies out there is encountering this issue? Is this one of your laments? Do you have a hate hate relationship with your mother in-law? Does she make your life misearable? Is your mother in law butting in your life?

So why are mother in laws out to make their daughter in law’s life miserable? From my observations of my own family and from friends, these are reasons I can think of. It is important to understand what is causing them to behave a particular way.

1. You will always be the outsider.
This is a fact and the sooner you accept it the better. You have just come into a family that have 20-30 years history together. You are an outsider, you will not always get the same treatment as the other members, it may not be fair but it is reality. For eg, I noticed that some mother in law will always ask her own children to come eat dinner after she has cooked but she never ask the daughter in law. Face the fact, from a ranking standpoint, to her eyes you are last in the list. And since she prepared dinner (which she probably is not happy that you did not help) she likely will not even ask you to come eat.

2. It is the only way mother in laws know how to treat daughter in laws.

It is the way she was treated and that is the only way she knows how to treat you. This all trace back to history of how a son is regarded as the carrier of the family name and thus a son heir is so important especially so in a Chinese family. The girl adopts the husband’s name. She is like sold out, no value to the family. This has given a more superior position to the sons and thus they are treated like the kings. The girl is considered second class and she was likely treated even worse by her mother in law. This unfortunate treatment just continuing in the next generation. My grandma is one such example…she was badly treated by her mother in law (you know during the 1930s when daughters are married in the family and almost instantly expected to take care of the household ie clean, cook, wash etc) Though my grandma will never admit it, but throughout the years, I realized she don’t have anything nice things to say about all her daughter in laws.

3. She feels threatened by your presence

She used to be head of the household, the only woman taking care of the needs of the family, her son. You are seen as competition. If you don’t help out with household chores – you are a bad wife. If you help with household chores – you are butting in. You can never do right cos your mother in law is threatened by your presence.

4. No one is good enough for her son

Being protective of her son, she will try to find faults with you just to prove that you are not good enough. If you are so good, it will make her less than perfect. Therefore, she will never admit that you are too good for her son. You may asked why she does not treat her daughter’s husband the same way with the mentality that nobody is good enough for her daughter. Seriously, to some extent she also feels that but she can’t treat her son-in law bad cos her daughter has married away and she can only hope that her son in law will treat her well. So her natural instinct is to be nice to her son in law.

5. Don’t bite the “breast” that fed you.

She fears that you will take her son away from her. She was her son’s caregiver, she is who he runs to when he is sick, she prepares his food etc etc, she was put on a pedestal by her son. She feels that you are replacing her place. And her son has betrayed her, love her less. To put it crudely, he is now running to your breast! :) It is a difficult adjustment for her and managing the fear that her son will not love her anymore. One of my friends’ mother in law's nightmare story is about money. She seem to want all her sons money and she always have hurtful words about how useless her daughter in law is cos she makes so little money and need to rely on her son for everything.

Do you have any nightmare mother in law stories? Do share…

This reminds me of the movie Monster in Law starring Jane Fonda and Jennifer Lopez. Watch below for a little laugh.

If you have a monster in law, what should you do? Wait…for my next posting.