10 things you must do before saying "I do"

"I do" is 2 simple words but it has significant meaning when directed at the question of - Will you marry me? When you say "I do", it comes with a commitment to spend the rest of your life with the other person. It is not about being caught in the moment. For the person who asks and for the person who answers, it is a lifetime commitment. So, probably "we do" is more appropriate.

I decided to come up with my 10 things to do before saying "We do". Marriage is a big step and saying "We do" should not be taken lightly. These tips are some of my thought process before I took my big step. I hope it helps.

10 things you must do before saying "We do"


1. Ask yourself this question -Do you truly love each other? but the more important question to answer is - Can you see yourself living the rest of your life with this person?

You need to be certain that both of you love each other. Unfortunately, it’s easy to confuse infatuation and lust with love. Sometimes being comfortable with someone can also be confused with love. Suffice to say that infatuation is more about BEING IN LOVE with the way someone makes you feel. True love happens slowly and it requires nurture and time to grow and strengthen ; it’s about being committed and concerned for your partner’s well being. Therefore, you must be able to see yourself spending the rest of your life building and growing this commitment of love.

2. Get your parents blessings.

A marriage blessed by both parents are so important. Without the parents blessings, there will always be a discomfort in your heart. Infact, I believe that the right thing to do is for the man to ask for the girl's parents blessings before the proposal. Firstly, that shows respect and respect to parents that way, says a lot of the character of the man. This will definitely start the relationship with in-laws in the right way too.


3. Get your blood test done

It is just not about HIV or STD but also others for a new couple to consider. As I understand from my doctor, one such is Thalassemia which is a blood disorder. If you and your soon to be spouse are both Thalassemia carriers there is a 25% chance that your child will be born with Thalasemia and survival rate is low in the first 10 years. While it is unfortunate and blood should not be a determinant of love or marriage but you would want to make an informed decision. You can get married and you can still decide if having kids is an option that both of you want to take.

4. Decide how you want to handle finances

Money, this thing called money has a higher chance of destroying a marriage than improving it. Therefore a discussion of money or how to handle finances should be done before taking the plunge. "Who will be paying the bills? One joint account? separate accounts? Wife get allowances from husband? Who pay for what?" While many do not want to discuss about money cos it seemed so unromantic but I recommend to have a discussion and at the very least both of you can express your views and both will understand what are each other's expectations.

5. Who cleans the toilet??

This is about household chores. In this day and age, women are no longer the expected person to handle household chores. For most marriages it has become a shared responsibility. In many household, women are still the head to handle all household chores. Many couples do not discuss because it may seem like a trivial matter. However, I decided to tell my hubby to be....what my habits are, expectations of shared responsibility so we both going in the marriage with a right expectations.


6. Talk about children

Do you want children? If both of you want children, great. If neither of you wants to have children, that’s great too. The important thing is being on the same page when it comes to children, when to have them, and how to raise them. Many couples have split up over issues like this, all because they failed to ask this important pre-marriage question: “Do you want to have kids someday?”

7. Decide where to stay

This is important, sometimes we don't have a choice eg. both of you don't have a house so will have to stay with in-laws. Please align that clearly and both should agree. If staying with parents is a choice eg, Man will need to take care of parents always, make sure that your wife to be knows and will agree. I believe if given a choice, it is always great to start a newly married life together. This will ensure quality time spent without having to deal with family squabbles.

8. Throw away that little black book

This is not only for the guys but for the ladies too. When we decide to take the plunge, things will be different. We no longer can just go out with the opposite sex anytime, we want. No more flirting, no more flings. Are you ready for that?

9. Do you share the same beliefs?

If not, can you respect your differences? It’s easiest to marry someone who shares the same religious beliefs as yourself. However, it’s very possible for two people from different religious backgrounds to have a harmonious marriage If they’re able to understand and respect those differences. You should never marry someone with the hope of converting them to your idea of the “truth.” Religion is a tricky area and best to discuss to understand where each other stand.

10. Plan a great wedding and honeymoon but remember marriage is not the wedding.

Marriage is a lifetime commitment. Do not let the wedding and honeymoon become the end all and be all. I have seen people who really spent all the time and money to have the wedding of their dreams but in the midst of that, it has caused arguments, disagreements, tears etc. And it ended up that the wedding was the most unhappy time for the couple though it was the most beautiful wedding with the most beautiful decor and the most delicious food. The wedding should be a happy occasion so have fun planning it, don't raise the bar so high. End in mind should be a happy wedding not just a grand wedding.

So, are you ready to say "We do"?

Man with desire to have ménage à trois aka "threesome"

Hi everyone, I am extremely excited. Since I have started this blog, I somehow feel that my writings are biased to women. Naturally... cos moi is a lady! :) So, I am happy to annouce that I found a man to contribute to my column from time to time. Let me just call him The Beast. Hope you will feedback on his first column.

Man with desire to have ménage à trois
by The Beast

I am not sure why one of man's ultimate sexual desire is to have a ménage à trois? Or in other words, having sex with 2 women at the same time. It is to show that he is the MAN of the men? Or is it just a big turn on for him?

According to wikipedia, Ménage à trois in French phrase ménage, (household) à, (for) trois, (three) literally translates as "household of three." A ménage à trois to simply put it, a romantic relationship in which three people, such as a married couple and a lover, live together and have sexual relations.

There is a challenge in actually achieving a ménage à trois. First you need have 2 women that agree to have sex with you. Both of them must be comfortable having sexual relationship with each other....Lesbianism?...not necessarily. It can be considered bi-sexual. Then the man need to be able to satisfy these 2 women and also this relationship need to be very agreeable and not have jealousy among 3 members of a ménage à trois. If they could achieve this status, then it will be a flourishing relationship.

Socially it is not an accepatable relationship. It is viewed as a unfaithful relationship because a GOOD relationship is between a man and a woman. If this relationship is somehow violated, it is then considered a socially unacceptable relationship.

Have you done it before?

Is this truly your fantasy?

Post a comment. let me know if you want it to be private.

101 ways to Say I LOVE YOU

It is only Tuesday......sigh....so I feel I need to spread a little love around. So cheer up by saying the 3 words of love. Read on, I have a small challenge at the end of this post.

Those three little words, "I Love You", hold a lot of meaning, but there's more ways to say them than you think.

Here are 101 different ways for you to verbally express your love to your sweetheart.

I adore you.
I am infatuated with you.
I appreciate you.
I can't live without you.
I can't stop thinking about you when we're apart.
I cherish you.
I dream of you.
I live for our love.
I love being around you.
I need you by my side.
I need you.
I respect you.
I value you.
I want a lifetime with you.

I want you.
I worship you.
I yearn for you.
I'm a better person because of you.
I'm blessed to have you in my life.
I'm devoted to you.
I'm fond of you.
I'm lost without you.
I'm nothing without you.
I'm passionate about you.
I'm thankful for you.
I'm yours.
Me and you. Always.
My love is unconditional.
Our love is invaluable.
Take me, I'm yours.
The thought of you brings a smile to my face.
Ti tengu cara (to female) or Ti tengu caru (to male).
Together, forever.
We were meant to be together.
You are a blessing in disguise.
You are an angel from God.
You are like a candle burning bright.
You are my crush.
You are my dear.
You are my everything.
You are my heart's desire.
You are my life.
You are my one and only.
You are my one true love.
You are my reason for living.
You are my strength.
You are my sunshine.
You are my treasure.
You are my world.
You are precious.
You are the light of my life.
You are the reason I'm alive.
You bring happiness to rainy days.
You bring joy to my life.
You cast a spell on me that can't be broken.
You complete me.
You drive me wild.
You fill me with desire.
You fill my heart.
You give me wings to fly.
You had me from hello.
You hold the key to my heart.
You inspire me.
You intoxicate me.
You lift me up to touch the sky.
You light my flame.
You light up my life.
You make me hot.
You make my heart skip a beat.
You make my world a better place.
You mean the world to me.
You motivate me.
You rock my world.
You seduce me.
You set my heart on fire.
You simply amaze me.
You stole my heart.
You sweeten my sour days.
You turn my world upside down.
You turn the darkness into light.
You're a dream come true.
You're a gem.
You're a twinkle in my eye.
You're absolutely wonderful.
You're all I want.
You're as beautiful as a sunset.
You're beautiful.
You're charming.
You're enchanting.
You're heavenly.
You're my angel.
You're my perfect match.
You're one in a million.
You're priceless.
You're sexy.
You're the apple of my eye.
You're the best thing that ever happened to me.
You're the best.
You're the diamond in the rough.
You're the one for me.
You're the one I've always wished for.

OK....The challenge : here's what you can do.

1. Choose just one and say it to your loved one tonight.

2. Send one every day via email to your loved one for the next 100 days.

Come on, come on, it would be a lovely gesture. I will do it and if you do it too....let me know what's the response yeah!

Heidi Klum & Seal - Still on Their Honeymoon!

I love stories about LOVE. Yeah...I am a hopeless romantic. So, I am sharing this bit of celebrity love news I just read from People.com.

I know that love in Hollywood is so fragile, it almost never lasts and we hear more about "phonecall" break-ups to messy divorces more than we hear about happily every after. I guess Hollywood is not a fairytale after all.

So whenever I read a piece of celebrity news which celebrates love, I almost always feel....there is hope. Love can prevail!

This is an interview with Heidi Klum and she talks about her husband Seal and how she feels she is still on honeymoon even though she's been married for a few years.

She has been married to Seal for three years, but Heidi KLum still feels like a newlywed. "Sometimes I lie in bed and I'm like, 'Oh my god, there's Seal lying next to me. What's he doing there?' " Klum tells In Style in its December issue. "I get a smile on my face immediately. Our honeymoon period is definitely not over."

How do Klum, 35, and Seal, 45, keep the spice in their relationship? "[We] have date nights," she says. "We go to dinner or to the movies. We like to keep it romantic. Some people wake up in the morning and turn over when they see their mate. That's not us."

Klum also credits her husband – not her modeling career – for her personal style evolution. "I've gotten more stylish since I've been with my husband," she says in the interview. "I was always making fun of him because he has so many leather coats, jackets and shoes. But he looks hot."

"I want to look good for him," Klum says. "So I kind of stepped it up a bit." The Project Runway host also shares her husband's interest in music. They sing together, she says, even if she isn't always on key. "We sing all the time," Klum says. "He's always rolling his eyeballs because I'm in the wrong key. But I know he's laughing about it too. So I'm not a singer – who cares? Not everyone is Seal!"

Isn't it romantic? It is always nice to read declarations of love.

Some key tips on feeling like you are on your honeymoon all the time :-

- they still spend quality time as a couple (even though they have kids) eg. date nights

- they make the effort to be involved in each other's interest. Seal is a singer, so she sings too

- Appreciate each other

- Make fun of each other

- Make the effort to look good for your spouse

Hope this piece of news give you hope on love.

10 signs He is in to You

When you meet a guy and you have just dated a few times, sometimes it is hard to gauge if he interested or not. Some guys want to be cool and since they are also unsure about your feelings they may not be so forthright in their pursuit.

However, there are a few tell tale signs that he is already smitten with you. Watch out for it.

1. He picks you up from the airport

2. He is comfortable listening to his phone message or phone call infront of you

3. He refers to the two of you as "we". eg We loved the James Bond movie.....

4. He calls you every morning at work and also at night before you sleep.

5. He asks you if you wanna go out shopping - any excuse to ask you out :)

6. He brings you soup when you are sick. aarrghhh!

7. He talks about his family and hints about a holiday to his home town

8. He invites you to join him on a boys night out.

9. He sends you flowers for no special reason.

10. He does not refuse when asked to be photographed together.

What do you think? Am I right? Did I miss any other pointers? Share...share....

5 things ruining your sex life in your bedroom

The question to ask is "Who is sleeping with you in your bedroom? Is it your spouse or is there someone else or something else that is taking the passion out of the bed?

The bedroom should be a place for your spouse and you. A bed of passion.

These are top 5 things that is sure a killer to the mood if you allow these sleeping partners to slip into bed with you.

1. The Baby

Taking care of a baby is not easy especially in the first few months. The crying, wailing for milk and also attention they seek from you as parents. It not only takes sex away from the bedroom but also sleep. It may be difficult but remember it is best to comfort them but leave them back in their cot and not take the baby in bed too. Once you start having the baby in your bed, it will be years before they leave :)


2. The Television

In this day and age, a telly in the bedroom is as common as a sofa in the living room. With a hectic lifestyle, there is not much time for the telly so catching the shows before bedtime is common for a lot of couple. But it is a real passion killer. The routine for bedtime would be telly before sleep no longer sex before sleep. So, if you can, try to ship the telly right out of the bedroom or better yet do not ship a telly in if it was never there. It's not easy and I don't think I can ever convince my hubby to move the TV out. Anyway, this may help (I have not used it yet) - "Studies show that a television kept on standby generates magnetic fields and imperceptible levels of noise that disrupt sleep"

3. Money $$$

Money is the root of all evil and money is also the cause of all arguments. Couples often argue about money especially when they lack of the green bucks. Never talk about money before sleep, or you won't get any action that night.

4. Work

Work stress is part and parcel of the working life. It is difficult to erase from work just because you are home. Especially if there is a deadline or your boss just gave you a scolding earlier in the day, it is common to bring the work worries back home. However, remember work is still just work at the end of the day. Your time with your family is most important. Be present when you are home, and ensure you are making every moment count. Also, sex helps to release endorphins that will lift your spirits and you will feel more positive to work again the next day!!

5. The drink..... or that one last drink...

Yup yup....if you had one too many drinks during after office drinks session, most often you will find that you would be struggling to perform. It is a myth to think that a few drinks will get you all ready to romp in the bedroom. Yeah, you probably want to but men may find it hard to perform and even for women who drank too much can have problems reaching orgasm. So, do pace yourself when you are out drinking.

What do you think? Can you kick these disruptive sleeping partners out of your bed?

The Bachelorette splits....and I was right!!

I was right! I was right!!!!

Sorry I had to gloat here a bit cos I was right!!! I knew she picked the wrong guy!

This is regarding the Bachelorette DeAnna Pappas. She just called off her engagement with the guy Jesse Csincsack, who proposed to her in the finale show and she accepted on national TV.

They even had a website together. And seemed so in love....ha! But I knew she choose the wrong guy and it not last. Anyway this is what her fiance said in a video posted on their website. Btw, I think they just took down their website as I can't get in anymore.

Jesse Said -

"I kind of feel like it's our responsibility to tell you we're not together anymore, DeAnna broke up with me two days ago, and I just wanted to come on here and tell you guys face-to-face, I'm sorry - I did everything in my power to try and make this work. "She's a great person, but she wasn’t willing to try anymore. "She wanted something different. The answer I got was, 'I love you, but I'm not in love with you. "That's a lot to swallow, no matter who you are. It's a lot to take in."

She just chose the wrong guy, it was obvious! She said she wanted marriage and stability but she went and chose the guy would don't seem to want that yet. Furthermore, the guy she rejected (the somewhat stable, but probably less interesting guy) he now will be get his second chance at love as the next Bachelor show coming up soon.

Well!! Well!! Sometimes, I really wonder if all these reality shows are just publicity stunts. But at least one of the couple did make it and still happily married with kids! Snippets of the Bachelorette seasons-

Season 1
Trista Rehn selected Ryan Sutter, and their December 2003 wedding was broadcast in one of the most widely viewed programs in the history of reality television. They welcomed their first child, son Maxwell Alston, on July 26, 2007. They remain the most famous and most successful coupling produced by the television series.

Season 2
Meredith Phillips chose Ian Mckee, but they ended their relationship in February 2005.

Season 3
Jen Schefft, selected by Andrew Firestone in Season 3 of The Bachelor, got a second chance at love, after her relationship with Firestone ended, in The Bachelorette's third season. She chose Jerry Ferris, an art gallery director, over fellow finalist John Paul Merritt in a first live final-rose ceremony.[2] During this last episode, Jerry proposed to Jen. She rejected his proposal, however, stating that the chemistry was not there.

Season 4
DeAnna Pappas

, who won the The Bachelor but was yet rejected by bachelor Brad Womack, chose Jesse over Jason. They were set to wed on May 9, 2009 but the couple announced their break-up in November 2008

This show would probably not hit the shores of Malaysia since it will be too outdated anyway if it did. So, do read what I wrote about 3 months ago, just to prove that I was right!! Gloat! Gloat! Click here.