10 things you must do before saying "I do"

"I do" is 2 simple words but it has significant meaning when directed at the question of - Will you marry me? When you say "I do", it comes with a commitment to spend the rest of your life with the other person. It is not about being caught in the moment. For the person who asks and for the person who answers, it is a lifetime commitment. So, probably "we do" is more appropriate.

I decided to come up with my 10 things to do before saying "We do". Marriage is a big step and saying "We do" should not be taken lightly. These tips are some of my thought process before I took my big step. I hope it helps.

10 things you must do before saying "We do"


1. Ask yourself this question -Do you truly love each other? but the more important question to answer is - Can you see yourself living the rest of your life with this person?

You need to be certain that both of you love each other. Unfortunately, it’s easy to confuse infatuation and lust with love. Sometimes being comfortable with someone can also be confused with love. Suffice to say that infatuation is more about BEING IN LOVE with the way someone makes you feel. True love happens slowly and it requires nurture and time to grow and strengthen ; it’s about being committed and concerned for your partner’s well being. Therefore, you must be able to see yourself spending the rest of your life building and growing this commitment of love.

2. Get your parents blessings.

A marriage blessed by both parents are so important. Without the parents blessings, there will always be a discomfort in your heart. Infact, I believe that the right thing to do is for the man to ask for the girl's parents blessings before the proposal. Firstly, that shows respect and respect to parents that way, says a lot of the character of the man. This will definitely start the relationship with in-laws in the right way too.


3. Get your blood test done

It is just not about HIV or STD but also others for a new couple to consider. As I understand from my doctor, one such is Thalassemia which is a blood disorder. If you and your soon to be spouse are both Thalassemia carriers there is a 25% chance that your child will be born with Thalasemia and survival rate is low in the first 10 years. While it is unfortunate and blood should not be a determinant of love or marriage but you would want to make an informed decision. You can get married and you can still decide if having kids is an option that both of you want to take.

4. Decide how you want to handle finances

Money, this thing called money has a higher chance of destroying a marriage than improving it. Therefore a discussion of money or how to handle finances should be done before taking the plunge. "Who will be paying the bills? One joint account? separate accounts? Wife get allowances from husband? Who pay for what?" While many do not want to discuss about money cos it seemed so unromantic but I recommend to have a discussion and at the very least both of you can express your views and both will understand what are each other's expectations.

5. Who cleans the toilet??

This is about household chores. In this day and age, women are no longer the expected person to handle household chores. For most marriages it has become a shared responsibility. In many household, women are still the head to handle all household chores. Many couples do not discuss because it may seem like a trivial matter. However, I decided to tell my hubby to be....what my habits are, expectations of shared responsibility so we both going in the marriage with a right expectations.


6. Talk about children

Do you want children? If both of you want children, great. If neither of you wants to have children, that’s great too. The important thing is being on the same page when it comes to children, when to have them, and how to raise them. Many couples have split up over issues like this, all because they failed to ask this important pre-marriage question: “Do you want to have kids someday?”

7. Decide where to stay

This is important, sometimes we don't have a choice eg. both of you don't have a house so will have to stay with in-laws. Please align that clearly and both should agree. If staying with parents is a choice eg, Man will need to take care of parents always, make sure that your wife to be knows and will agree. I believe if given a choice, it is always great to start a newly married life together. This will ensure quality time spent without having to deal with family squabbles.

8. Throw away that little black book

This is not only for the guys but for the ladies too. When we decide to take the plunge, things will be different. We no longer can just go out with the opposite sex anytime, we want. No more flirting, no more flings. Are you ready for that?

9. Do you share the same beliefs?

If not, can you respect your differences? It’s easiest to marry someone who shares the same religious beliefs as yourself. However, it’s very possible for two people from different religious backgrounds to have a harmonious marriage If they’re able to understand and respect those differences. You should never marry someone with the hope of converting them to your idea of the “truth.” Religion is a tricky area and best to discuss to understand where each other stand.

10. Plan a great wedding and honeymoon but remember marriage is not the wedding.

Marriage is a lifetime commitment. Do not let the wedding and honeymoon become the end all and be all. I have seen people who really spent all the time and money to have the wedding of their dreams but in the midst of that, it has caused arguments, disagreements, tears etc. And it ended up that the wedding was the most unhappy time for the couple though it was the most beautiful wedding with the most beautiful decor and the most delicious food. The wedding should be a happy occasion so have fun planning it, don't raise the bar so high. End in mind should be a happy wedding not just a grand wedding.

So, are you ready to say "We do"?