Should you keep the engagement ring even if you are not engaged anymore?

Ok I have never been in this situation and hopefully many people never encounters it.

It is just sad to come so close to getting married....and yet you break up, right?

Remember this entry...I know most people in Malaysia have not seen The Bachelor London Calling but anyway, long story short - reality show, cute guy trying to find love among many girls, kick one girl out every week, in the end he proposed to one of them, happily engaged at the end of the show and then 2 months later announced they have split up.

Ok ok...the story now is this.....

She was given a USD65,OOO diamond ring by him. (Btw, paid by the show not the guy) But still, imagine this, he thot she was the one, went down on one knee and proposed. She accepted and wore the ring.

Now that they have broken up, she announced that she is keeping the ring cos she wants to put it in a glass box (like a exhibit) to remind her of the relationship???? Infact, she said he agreed.

Then he came out to say that he did not agree cos she never asked him and he suggested that she should donate the ring to charity.

Anyway, just another Hollywood squabble.

But if in real life.........

I think one should return the ring to the giver.
If the giver does not want it back, yeah...donate to a charity.

What has become of love?

There was a time when love was about sending letters? Remember?...they call them love letters.
Then there was the telephone. So you can talk for hours and hours and hours.

Then there was the handphone. So you can talk for more hours, anytime, anywhere. Or least anywhere that has line and yr battery is not dead.

Then there was sms. Don't feel like talking...just sms! Whatmore, you can even divorce on the sms! Just sent it 3 times :)

Then there were emails. No need stamp. Just need internet connection and an email account.

With the world of internet.....it was a whole new ball game. Cyberlove, Cybersex, CyberMarriage etc etc.

But Blogging is a whole new dimension. It can be used to spread love and joy. It also can be used to hurt someone, and flaunt your dirty laundry in the streets. You become instantly popular. People want to know who did what, who slept with who, who got cheated and when you tell all in your blog, people will read!

So have love and dignity succumb to the lowest level just for the number of hits?

Men are visual, Women are emotional.

Is this a fact? I want to know why.

Why is it that men are interested or attracted to things visually? And women have to get all mushy and emotional, do I have feelings for him etc etc etc?

Is it because women think too much and men don't think that much? Or maybe they don't think at all.

Eyes do the scanning and dicky do the doing.

Ha ha...is it true?

Someone younger.....

Ladies - would you marry someone younger than you?
I guess most would say yes, it's alright. I guess 80%-90%.

Next question - how many years difference is ok?
I guess most would say 1-2 years. No big deal.

Next question - What about 3 yrs?
Still ok I guess.

Next question - What about 5 yrs?
Errr....depends on mature the guy is. Still possible

Next question - What about 8-10 yrs?
Huh...so big difference ah. If I am 30 yrs old, he is only early 20s - can ah??? most likely not.

Next question - What if 15 years and above?
Oh dear.......that's a BIG difference. What would we talk about? different generation. He could be my son?!??!! I don't think so.

It does happen. In real life and even in Hollywood. Best example that we all know of is Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher. Demi was 42 and Ashton 27 when they got married in 2005. Hold on, bring out the calculator...ah ha..15 years difference.

I think it takes a lot of guts from both the man and the woman to marry someone with a huge age gap especially if the woman is older. Firstly, the woman need to feel very secure of herself, eradicate the fears of aging, fear that he will no longer be interested in her old body, fear of looking like his mother etc etc. For him, it would be teasing from friends, temptations from younger women etc.

But I believe that true love will prevail and it will hold no boundaries. No amount of insecurities or teasing can tear apart when you truly love someone.

I actually met a friend some years back and this is a true story. Her parents are 17 years apart. 17 years......he was just early 20s and she was nearing 40s. He just started working, she was at the height of her career. This must have happened in 1960s, a time when it was almost unthinkable, imagine the protests from families, the shun from friends.....but they braved it thru. Got married, had kids and grew old together. The only thing is that at old age, the difference is really obvious. He is still strong and good looking at 50 but she is really getting old and wrinkled at 70. But again...love prevails.

Why so shy?

My 30-something single friends are so shy.
Here I tell them - just DO IT!, there they will tell me - let me think about it!
What's the big deal? Just text him and ask a general question. Or after gym, just ask him if he wants to grab food. Just make it casual. It is sooooo easy.

They tell me - "easy for you to say, you are married and you don't like him"

I guess they are right. I am so excited to get them meeting and talking to guys (since age is catching up..ouch!), I always make it seem so easy. But I know if I were in their shoes now, I would also be like them, hesitating, not doing even on the simplest task. All for the fear of rejection.

That is what holds them back. Rejection and getting hurt! I understand.

But what the heck. You are reaching mid 30s, no need to be shy anymore, we are all grown ups. It is not like you want to marry him, just having a drink and get to know each other. No big deal. Just do it, don't wait anymore.

Men are puzzled by women

I am a women so I can justify our actions.
My guy friend was telling me ....how he doesn't understand why his gf would not just say what she wants even if she has already made up her mind.
Scenario -
Gf - Honey, what shall we eat for lunch? MacD or KFC?
Bf - You decide, I am ok.
Gf - tell me what u like...MacD or KFC?
Bf - Ok then, KFC!
Gf - But why not MacD??
Bf - $%@###%%?? (in silent)....... No reason, just feel like having a fried chicken.
Gf - Well then, we could go MacD, cos it is nearer to the house and yet we can order fried chicken and furthermore, we can even order burger if we feel like it.
Bf - You are right dear! Let's go to MacD.

I laughed cos it happens often. We want to give power but actually we want the power.
I told my guy friend - : Listen....we ask because we want to include you, we don't want to seem too forceful and we want you to feel like the man making the decisions. Aren't we sweet?

The Bachelor - in Splitsville

Anyway.....I am not surprised to hear that The London Bachelor Matt Grant and his fiancee which he found on the show Shayne Lamas (aka Lorenzo Lamas's daugther) have gone to splitsville. Well, he is young and handsome...come on.... only 27, you think he is ready to settle down??

And he chose an "actress" or a wannabe actress and she is only 23. Do you believe that she is so in love?, found the love of her life...ready to settle down etc etc. The odds are against it. But then, they did put up quite a realistic potrayal during the show.

So I for one, am not surprised that they called it quits. just surprised that he actually proposed at the end. Could he not have just chosen her vs actually asking her to marry him? Maybe the producers of the show wanted more drama by an actual proposal.

So I don't think their love was real on TV and likely more a publicity stunt.

If that is true, then it's sad that love is being manipulated this way. Money can buy love...or at least fake love.

The Bachelorette - did she make the right decision?

Sorry for those who have not seen the latest season of The Bachelorette cos I am about to spill the beans on the ending.

Well, I think for all those who watched, I think probably more than 50% (likely more) would think that Deanna Pappas has made the wrong decision and picked the wrong man! Now, I will give her the benefit of the doubt and probably blame it on the production team who probably steered our minds to favor the other guy just to give a shocker ending. You know.....that is television for you, just to get more ratings!

But, for this entry, I will take it at face value on exactly what I saw and write about it. So there you have it, a beautiful girl, she seemed really wholesome, grounded, sweet, knows what she wants and she claims she wants to settle down, find the right guy, have kids etc etc......like most of the women in the world wants.

So, she was lucky to be on this reality show whereby she was presented with all these good-looking eligible men. Now...cut the story short, she has picked down to the last two. One guy - Jason is a early 30s, good looking, stable job, grounded, probably a bit boring but secure and mature.....he is divorced with a kid, a wonderful father. Now, the other guy is Jesse 26, long haired, a snowboarder, full of fun, a bit quirky, never really been in a serious relationship (longest 2 years) and don't seem to be ready for commitment. However, in the course of the few weeks, both of them fall for Deanna and now it is up to her to choose.

Now, of course everyone is expecting her to choose Jason, what she wanted seem to be a fit to what Jason has to offer but as always...the shocker is that she went to Jesse, the unlikely guy. Well, at the finale show, they came out, looking really in love, engaged and also have set a date for the wedding.

The reactions were mixed, probably 20% supported her decision with most comments saying that she has made the biggest mistake and that the relationship won't last. He is not ready for commitment etc etc.

So, did she make the right decision? On face value, I would agree that she may have not made the most secure decision but then again, we never know. Deanna is 26 and probably while she says she wants to get married, have children, I guess she is not. Come on, she wants to have fun, she is in a reality show for goodness sake, of course she still wants to have fun and probably that is why she chose the fun guy. The family guy would have been too boring and she would need to get into huge responsibilities almost immediately. Now, I think if she was 29 or early 30s, I would think that her decision would be very different. She would definitely want more security.

Does this mean that her decision is a definite mistake? Maybe not, cos if they both grow and want the same things eg....the Snowboarder do have some sense for the future......will get serious and more committed, I think that they will likely stand a chance. She will probably be frustrated if Jesse just want to have fun all the time. Now the danger for guys is that some do want to be boys as long as they can. And they are so fun to be with, but girls - you have to choose - fun may not always equal to long term commitment as fast as you want it to be. It is a risk that you have to take. You know you mature much faster and your clocks ticks faster too....

So, my bet is that the relationship may not last. I don't mean to be MEAN and not support the relationship but I am kinda influenced by what I saw.....and I am conservative, I would go for the boring, grounded guy anytime. I am boring or maybe it is just that I am 30 something and wiser.

Anyway, we shall see...........